If you want an easy life ……. don’t marry a Black man

Posted: April 25, 2013 in Blogs
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The last big argument I had with my wife was about the movie 27 Dresses. For those not familiar with it, it tells the story of Jane played by actress Katherine Heigel, who is always the bridesmaid and never the bride – hence her collection of 27 bridesmaid dresses.27dresses1

I haven’t actually seen it, but it’s a romantic comedy so you can guess the plot. Katherine Heigel’s character, always unlucky in love, finds her potential Mr Right, and the majority of the film is taken up with the ‘will-they/wont-they’ get it together plot-line. I didn’t think my wife should be wasting her time watching such mindless drivel, and I told her so. She didn’t take kindly to my advice.

I hate romantic comedies, and for that matter Fairy Tales, for the lies that they have indoctrinated women with.  The plot of all these stories is the same.  A damsel is in distress, and only a ‘knight in shining armour’ can save her from her plight.  Check Cinderella – Cinders lives a life of druggery and servitude in the service of her two ugly sisters, from which she can only escape when she is rescued by with Prince Charming.  Or Rapunzel, trapped in a tall prison who can only be freed by the intervention of a brave Prince. Or Sleeping Beauty, cursed by the evil witch to sleep in a coma-like state, caused by a spell which can only be broken by true love’s first kiss.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Beauty and the Beast
, its all basically the same story.

It is this same narrative that has driven six year’s worth of Sex And The City (albeit updated for adult tastes with more bedroom action) as heroine Carrie Bradshaw waits in anticipation for Mr Big.

Sex-and-the-City--

Sex & The City – is this really how women think?

And by repeating these stories to our little girls, we are teaching them that they can only find true happiness through the love of a good man.  And when these girls become women, and find their Mr Right/Prince Charming, and succeed in having their longed-for fairy tale wedding, and then find that their life has not become ‘happy-ever-after’, they blame their partner for not doing his job; not fulfilling his job description!

This is part of the reason that more divorce proceedings are brought by disgruntled wives than by unhappy husbands.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he will grin and bare it – spend more time at work, or down the pub, or on the X-Box, or have an affair!  If a woman is unhappy with her marriage – she wants out.  Since she’s unhappy she reasons, she must obviously be with the wrong man, and so must extricate herself from this situation for another roll of the dice to try again.

This situation is bad enough, but if you add the racial element into it, it gets even worse.  For though your Black beau, may be talk, dark and handsome, charming, charismatic, good in bed, etc, etc, your lives together may not turn out to be as idyllic as you had hoped on the day he carried you over the threshold. As my uncle used to say ‘life is hard for a poor Black man’s pickney’. So ladies, if you think you’ve met your Will Smith/Barack Obama/Jay-Z, before he ‘puts a ring on it’ ask yourself these few questions.

1) Are you comfortable with being the main-breadwinner?

Even though neither of you may be planning on this situation at the outset, it may later turn out to be the case.  I’m not asking you to take on ‘waste-men’ and free-loaders, but some Black men don’t seem to be able to get a break, no matter how hard they try.  (Rather than watching a romantic comedy I’d direct you at this point to Will Smith’s movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness for illustration).

Marital strife as portrayed in The Pursuit of Happyness

Marital strife as portrayed in ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’

Unless you’ve got friends in high-places, its hard to get a job for everyone these days, for Black men, even more so. Research by the Office of National Statistics published in 2012 found that unemployment rates for 16-24 year olds from African and African-Caribbean background are double that of white job seekers, with 56% of Black men being out of work.

Even with the right qualifications, success is still far from assured.  As far back as the early 90s, studies showed that Black graduates had a harder time finding suitable employment. (I was unemployed for 9 months, even after getting a Masters’ degree).

If he is lucky enough to find employment, after some time he may find himself frustrated at his lack of advancement, his head-aching by banging it on the glass ceiling, or the petty humiliations that he must face in order to keep that job.  (Another film tip – check Terrence Howard’s role in Crash).

The Movie 'Crash'  shows the humiliations suffered even by professionally successfull Blacks.

The movie ‘Crash’ shows the humiliations suffered even by professionally successfull Black men.

2) Are you both prepared for him to take the role of the house-husband if that makes better financial sense?  It hit the news last month that there has been an increase in men staying at home while wifey goes out to bring home the bacon. For the reasons outlined above, this is an even more likely scenario for Black couples.  Anyone with kids knows that childcare costs nowadays are prohibitive.  If you earn more than him, it may make more sense for him to stay at home and look after the kids, and for you to return to work, rather than vice versa, than for you both to work and pay through the nose for childcare.

3) Can you be patient with him if he struggles with the role of a father?   You may be less than happy with your partner’s contribution in the parent stakes, but if he’s anything like me, and many Black men like me, he’s learning on the job.  If he had no father figure in his own life, his only knowledge of what fathers do is from seeing Cliff Huxtable in The Cosby Show or Phillip Banks in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Phillip Banks

Some Black men have to learn how to be a father by watching TV

And those programmes never showed the dads changing nappies, or making bottles, or walking their kids to school in the morning.  I’m not defending dead-beat dads, infact I’m the hardest on them (see my previous blog on absentee fathers).  I’m just saying be patient with men who may not have even seen what a real Dad is supposed to do up close, before they became one.

4) Will you stick by him if he ends up in jail?   Of course you wouldn’t think of marrying a career criminal, but due to the way the Criminal Justice system works in this country, too many Black men find themselves being pulled into the system. ANY Black man can end up in Jail, not just gangstas – just ask former Tory peer Lord Taylor).

former Tory Peer John Taylor was sentenced to 12 months for fiddling his expenses.

former Tory Peer John Taylor was sentenced to 12 months for fiddling his expenses.

Evidence from the Home Office’s Offending Crime and Justice survey in 2003 found that white males aged 10-25 were far more likely to have committed an offence within the last year than young males in other groups,  but once young Black people committed an offence, they were more likely to come to the attention of the police. Black people of all ages are three times more likely to be arrested than white people, six times more likely to be arrested for drug offences, 11 times more likely to be imprisoned, and are up to 26 times more likely to be stopped and searched than their white counterparts. Whereas Black young offenders accounted for 6% of total offences in 2004-05 they received 11.6% of total custodial sentences. 

5) Don’t call the Police on Him.  I know of one sister who called the Police on her husband because they were having a heated argument, and she wanted him out of the house.  Listen ladies, unless your life is in mortal danger, don’t ever call the Police on a brother.  Apart from the fact that the Police don’t need any encouragement to harass Black men, with the rate that brothers die in Police custody, that may be the last time you see him alive! You might want him out, but surely you don’t want him dead!

Finally, before you walk out that door…………..

There ARE valid reasons to end a marriage, but just because you’re not happy anymore isn’t one of them. If he’s trying, cut him some slack.  As Chris Rock once said, “I’m not moving back in with my mother cos you ain’t in love!” But what if you just can’t stand him anymore?  Maybe he’s making no effort to find a job, or he’s gambling away all your hard-earned money at the Bookies, or he’s cheating on you. Before you leave him, just spare a thought for the kids.  You may not think that you need him in your life, but they do.

Your son and daughter need their father around even if you don’t

Your son and daughter need their father around………. even if you don’t!

In 1996 a University of California study found that boys raised without their fathers are more than twice as likely to engage in delinquent behaviour, and that girls in the same situation are more than twice as likely to become teenage mothers.  A 1998 study by researchers at Princeton University said that growing up in a single parent home roughly doubles a child’s propensity to commit crime.

Many women will complain about their partners’ lack of romance – the absence of roses and love poems and breakfast in bed.  But is that really what marriage is about? What is more important in making your marriage/family life run smoothly?  Is it rose petals on the pillow and candle-lit dinners, or putting the bins out and making sure the electricity bill is paid on time?   Would you prefer a man who runs a bubble bath for you, or cleans out the gutters and mows the lawn?  Ladies, do you want a man with bling and swagger, or a man of commitment and staying power? A player or a stayer?  (And no you can’t have both).

I’m not saying that a woman can never be happy if married to a Black man.  (I hope that on at least a few days of each month, my wife can say that she’s happily married). What I’m saying is that it won’t be easy.  So if you think the struggle is over as soon as you successfully get him to walk you up the aisle, and you’re all set up for a happily ever after………….. think again.

As a parting thought I‘d like to share this quote that I recently saw on twitter.

“A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him: believe in him, encourage him and be his peace.”

If you’d like to read more about the issues raised in this blog post, click on the link  below to check out my new book ‘The Problem With Black Men’, available now on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Problem-With-Black-Men/dp/1483990133/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368908485&sr=8-1&keywords=the+problem+with+black+men#_

The_Problem_With_Bla_Cover_for_Kindle

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Comments
  1. devon dc says:

    Preach Pastor Pinkerton!…another thought provoking read..says this dada with a baba who auditioning like princess already

  2. Scottish-Lady says:

    Very interesting and informative.

    The prison section echoes the problems of women in the criminal justice system. Different reasons, I appreciate, but similar outcome. A Black man is possibly considered guilty before the trial in the eyes of police, juries etc. Women should be madonnas – if one transgresses and shoplifts a packet of sausages, straight to jail. And the suicide rate of women in prison is high.

    Also to be considered – men & women of any colour or background who have been in care. I have no statistics, but I suspect coming through the care system & being Black is a lethal mixture.

    Okay, I’ll buy your book!

    Anne S.

  3. Marcus Ryder says:

    Lee,

    Always good to read your blog posts and this one is no exception.

    I know that black people in Britain have lower rates of marriage than the national average but I don’t know what the divorce rates are (would be interesting to find out). Would also be interesting how other communities have dealt with women having higher job rates than their male counterparts and whether this has affected the marriage rate (places like Wales).

    Definitely given me food for thought.

    Thanks

    Marcus

  4. Lisa says:

    Your article is so annoying, it is an insult to hardworking black women. A black woman would not call the police on her man unless he lays a finger on her, for you to imply that she has to wait until her life is in mortal danger before calling the police is ridiculous. I think your wife needs rescuing if you think like this!

    • leepinkerton says:

      Thank you for your comment Lisa. My comment about calling the Police was inspired by a true story of a couple i know personally, where the Black wife called the Police on her Black husband simply becasue she wanted him out of the house. Suffice it to say, she got her way and he is now, out of the house. I’m not sure why you think this post is insulting to hardworking black women as both my wife and my mother are such people. are you perhaps suggesting that hardworking black women ‘don’t need no man’. Yes, my mother thought the same, which is why i grew up without a dad. i will pass on your condolences to my wife. i think she is still looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue her!

      • Penny Grace says:

        That was ONE Black woman…

      • destiny says:

        Is it that your mother didn’t think she needed a man or that your father refused to BE the man that he was supposed to be? Many times it is better to be single then ti put up with someone who is doing nothing for you. Just like you wrote in your article, true happiness doesn’t come with finding prince charming. If that’s true (which I believe it most definitely IS), why in the heck would I be happy with someone whose dead weight?

  5. Devon b says:

    First of all, Lee… You have a serious gift bro and I am so glad that you are not letting it go to waste. You have the ability to see truth and your eyes are not fooled by all the ‘glits’ and glamour of this world. One example, what you mentioned about the films and fairy tales with the whole damsel in distress plot. That is excellent that you could see the subconscious ‘brainwashing’s’ of that film etc because that would not have entered my mind at all. I really appreciate your gift, knowledge is food for thought whats on the menu?? I see you next time. Great stuff.

    And Lisa, Look at how you reacted to this blog. You came across in a negative and argumentative way. Lee is giving his opinion on a personal event that has already (FACT) taken place in his life. If that is annoying then are you telling me that you yourself have not been affected by this perfect Man idea? How are we Black Men going to disrespect our sisters if we are looking out for their ‘realistic expectation margin’ lol lets call it. Don’t expect perfection hun, everyone has the right to express their opinion and we can do this as a team. One Love.

    • destiny says:

      If black men see having a job, being in their children’s lives, and not going to jail as an unattainable fairy tale, then that’s really sad. We’re not talking about rose petals and great sex every night, We’re talking about handling BASIC responsibilities

  6. Scottish-Lady says:

    Bought!

  7. leepinkerton says:

    i thank you Bro. Now go find your ‘gift’ and share it with the world……

  8. Excellent stuff Lee.
    I riled a bit at some of the negative stuff about black men as I thought, for those who know few black people, your piece could simply fan the, flames of their negative perceptions.
    While it will be obvious to most that the prison, low earning and lack of a father stuff, when it is present, comes as a result of economic and societal inequality, some will think it’s all a symptom of being black.
    Definitely showing this to my wifey (and then ducking).
    Oh and I didn’t know about the book. Of course I’ll buy it (I’d hate to see you lose your breadwinner status).

    • leepinkerton says:

      Thanks for your feedback Maurice. Unfortunately, a lot of that negative stuff IS a symptom of being Black, but it is due to societal factors rather than a genetic predisposition. I hope that people get that. And thank you also for promising to buy my book, but my wife has been the main breadwinner for some time now (a situation in no danger of changing in a hurry by my decision to focus on writing full time!)

      • destiny says:

        If black men who CHOOSE not to take advantage of educational opportunities, CHOOSE not to be apart of their kids lives, and CHOOSE to commit crimes knowing that they’re at a higher risk of getting arrested and jailed continue to blame all their set backs ob their skin color and not their own personal choices, things will never change.

  9. Louise Bennett says:

    I’m personally glad that black men have such “issues” in society – when most of them get rich and successful they exclusively date white women so black people can never progress as a race.

  10. Louise Bennett says:

    Lol! I ain’t given up on black men, they’ve given up on us.

  11. Lauren Walker says:

    So, children should be taught to stay in an unhealthy relationship? If a person isn’t good for you ..leave. Come together to learn how to take care of the children.

    • Lauren Walker says:

      Another question. What about people that sent teenage girls away to have babies. They had two parent homes, why did the get pregnant?

    • leepinkerton says:

      Hi Lauren. Thanks for your comment. No i’m not advocating that women should stay in unhealthy relationships. What I do advocate is that 1) women should be very choosy when selecting who to have a child with, and try to make sure that it is in the context of a loving committed relationship. and 2) Once in that loving committed relationship, work hard at making it work, rather than jacking it in when the ‘honeymoon period’ ends and the inevitable challenges arrive. If they however are having children with unsuitable men/relationships, then its all doomed from the start.

  12. Rebeca says:

    I understand what your saying, but iy sounds like settling for me. Why would I even need to consider thinking about having to call the police or not? That should be a no. It seems like, when discussing black males and female having a committed relationship or getting married. There’s always something a black woman need to be warned that she may have to endure. When discussing white women and black men, I hear no such talk. The issue is and will always be with black men. Due to their status in this world, the lack of power and demasuclinity, that when they are with a black women they want full submission. In order to feel some sort of power In their household, that the white world denys them. When it’s a white women they feel being with them gives them the higher status they want, and there for they don’t need to battle with white women for power. Black males, just do what your meant to do as a man. It’s that simple. Black women you shouldn’t have to settle. I don’t know about anyone else, but I will not settle, I will not jump on the white man train. I’d rather just be alone, that way I maintain my integrity.

  13. Rebeca says:

    P. s I do agree with not believing in fairy tales and that it will set u up for a fail. But I think that applies to anything in life not just relationships, or black male female relationships. Tbh these points you have made lead to a bigger and old issue. Single parent household or not. Why are black mothers not teaching their sons about the points you have made? Does not having a mother take away from you being a mother no! Having a dad would help young black males to be fathers, it doesn’t stop them though. They don’t do it, because they don’t have to.

  14. leepinkerton says:

    Thank you for your comment soulflower. But you may have misunderstood my message. I agree with all your points. We shouldn’t molly-coddle our sons and excuse slack behaviour. We should have high expectations for our sons. I am simply asking for more patience and understanding from female partners for those Black men who really are trying but struggling to succeed.

  15. I’m sorry I’m not buying this for a second. Why in the world would I sign up for this life as a woman if Black males all came with this drama? It is always the women who are asked to put up with drama from Black males in order to keep marriages together.

    I’m not going to marry ANY MALE who comes with all these compounded issues. There are plenty of MEN of all races including Black males who can keep themselves out of jail, maintain a job, love their wives, hustle hard to take care of their families, and aren’t about BS. Ladies don’t settle for anything less. I am so tired of the propaganda aimed at Black women to settle for anything just to have a Black man. We know that there are things that are out of our control, and you have to take the good with the bad in a marriage, but c’mon!

  16. I’m just so tired of the problems with black men. Why can’t you be like the other races of men who are just normal men? It’s like as group you always come with this long grocery list of PROBLEMS (ie, “can’t get a job in America because of_______”,can’t call the cops on him because of_____”, can’t be a proper father because of_____, and on and on). What race of men comes with a long list like this? But you know what was really about this article? There was a portion where you informed black women NOT to call the cops unless her life was in MORTAL danger, and there were black women (or maybe black men pretending to be women) that came on here & said ok.

    If your life is in mortal danger, you won’t be able to make the phone call. I’m pretty sure, if you’re in the middle of being stabbed or shot, your “killer” is not going to stop to let you make that phone call. I think you as a group of men are abusive & sick and have mental problems. Name another race where the WOMEN are the breadwinners. And black women have to live in poverty no matter where in the world she is-it could be London, it could the U.S., Africa, ect. It’s always in poverty…with black men’s kids. You see Asian women living in poverty in some Asian countries but not all over the world like you do black women. Same with Latina women. Look how Indian & Pakistani men become doctors & scientists. That brings their people out of poverty & into prosperity. Dribbling on a basketball court does NOTHING but work up a funk. Get off the basketball court & go get into a scientific laboratory, will ya?

  17. @Rebecca, you said ” I will not jump on the white man train. I’d rather just be alone, that way I maintain my integrity.”

    It’s weird you would make that comment because no one said you should be with white men, or jump on the white Man Train, as you say. At least the white man HAS a train, black men are walking on foot. Or they are riding black women like mules to get to where they want to be. Bwuhahaha. But seriously, why would you choose to be ALONE if you couldn’t get a black man? You may as well just suck it up and go with a black man. What you said doesn’t make sense to me. You would sit home alone while black men date white women and women of other races, having sex? Does that make sense to you?

  18. Penny Grace says:

    I found this blog post to be a little offensive.

    How would it encourage my man to stay home and be a house husband…hell no. No matter how much women make, men need to go to work…period. Staying home to take care of children seems like a cop out.

    Will you support him if he goes to jail?…hmmmm. This is a valid question but you presented your information in a way that made it seem like Black men face in inevitable fate if being in lock up.

    I won’t call the police…I promise.

    I can agree that women need to be patient with men (all men) when it comes to raising children. You should definitely encourage your husbands.

    Yes, I am happily married to a Black man. I love him with all my heart.

    • destiny says:

      Exactly. Most black men DO NOT go to jail. Its numerically impossible for that to happen. This country doesn’t even have enough money to pay for 20 million black men in jail (by the way I think there are about 4 million people in the prison system in TOTAL). Anybody is at risk of being wrongfully accused of a crime but its not as s common as so many black folks like to claim. If you keep your nose clean and don’t commit crimes there is a REALLY great chance that you will never see a jail cell, even if you’re a black man

  19. destiny says:

    I cannot and will not marry a man of any race who does not have a decent job. Yes, it is true that black men have higher unemployment rates than whites and asians, but their education levels and qualifications tend to be lower too. Sure, a degree doesn’t guarantee a job right outside of school, but it GREATLY increases your chances of employment regardless of race. Getting a job 9 months after college is actually pretty typical for many college students today. Getting a job shouldn’t be seen as a simple luck of the draw but a conscious, diligent, and persistent effort backed by preparation, knowledge, and networking. Yes prejudice does exist in the workplace but the fact that there are not as many qualified black men for these jobs should not be ignored. Education is still not seen as important in our community like asians or whites. Even african immigrants come over here with nothing but on average get better jobs than their black american counterparts because they take their behinds to school as soon as they get off that plane. If more black men were actually PREPARED to compete in the job market by acquiring the necessary qualifications and contacts instead of just sitting back and taking the ‘victim’ stance all the time, I am confident that more black men would find decent employment.

  20. destiny says:

    So according to this author’s list a black woman should be comfortable with being the primary bread winner AND change the diapers and wake up in the middle of night to feed the baby when she has to get up for work early in the morning because hers stay at home husband is incapable of finding a job OR being a good care taker for the children? In addition to that, she should expect her man to to jail at sometime in his life leaving her to work. , care for the kids, AND visit her husband behind bars, because society has left him no choice but to live s life of a convicted felon? Based off the list, I really shouldn’t marry a black man

  21. MaryAnn says:

    I think the problem is a lot, and I mean droves of BM don’t like owning up to their mistakes or faults. Instead blame black women for their ailments which is a b*tch move in my opinion. SO a lot think “Hmm if I date/marry a girl of difference race it will work, because black weemons are meen” so what ends up happening is they carry that unsolved issue that they have personally into that relationship with the non-black woman, thus the high divorce rate. Then in some cases run back to black women with their tails tucked in between their legs or blame all women. Thus this vicious cycle with the blame game and inferiority complex issues continues, it’s quite tragic really.

    While there is successful black men and non-black women relationships. Simply because they married the woman/man for reasons of owning up to their faults and love. And the ones who look at successful black man/non-black woman relationships think that’s it’s better simply because the black woman isn’t present, when it’s really not that. But it’s about love and mutual understanding and respect, NOT because they are immature little boys on a man’s errand, who feel other non-black women are submissive objects and will bend to their every whim. These men do not like owning up to their own faults, and have a deep fear for a mirror like it’s nobodies business. I like to call these type of men “bottom feeding parasites”

    So when these ‘bottom feeding parasites’ see a black woman with any ounce of happiness they feel the need to project his own inner chaotic turmoil and cause problems. Simply because he’s an abusive leech who uses women as tools to hurt and maim one another. And when they have no woman to dehumanize they do their dirty work in a more outer manner, mainly taken out on black women. The mentality is “How dare you be happy, and I’m not. It’s your fault my interracial relationship didn’t work” or “I can date white women but you can’t date a white man because that may result in your personal happiness”. .If that doesn’t apply let it fly.

    As a blanketing statement, black men(majority) have pretty much announced to the world their disowning of black women. Trashing them in the worse ways possible. So when black women get fed up and look for love else where(statistically black women/non-black men relationships are very successful) the very black men who “threw-away” and trashed black women, turn around only to see that they are gone.

    The ‘good black man’ is considered now to be a unicorn and to some black women non-existent. That’s just the reality of it. No one wants to hear “But there are good black men” okay, when black women were being verbally, mentally, and physically abused, tossed away, dissed to hell and back,then where were these “good black men”? They were silent(because they are cowards or simply apathetic quiet sociopaths misogynists). So to me they don’t exist. Because black women pain is ignored or even joked about. I have not seen no man of any other race, let their women be disgraced or ridiculed as black women are. Black men literally step aside and let us hung for the killing.

    Black women are only seen as ‘strong black woman who don’t need no man'(which is a dehumanizing racist caricature) because they’ve been abandoned, and not had the proper support. We do not choose to be alone, it’s because some of us have no choice because of environmental purposes, or believe that the black prince riding in on a glorious black stallion will come rolling in to rescue him.

  22. AngryRedhead says:

    I’d still ”husband” (because I am a woman) a good black or mixed race man any day of the week the above points not withstanding. I totally agree with your points about women being brainwashed from an early age to expect a man to rescue her from her problems when we should be teaching our little girls to be intelligent and independent from the get-go. This is even reflected in the toys out there for girls and boys: dolls and dressed fro girls to indoctrinate them into believing that only looks matter and video games and tools for little boys that develop problem solving and special recognition skills.

    I don’t think the racism points are as relevant in the UK as there appears to be less of a white-hate-black mentality (Britons tend to hate muslims/polish/Romanians) more.

    • Same old ish says:

      Interesting point, that you think we don’t teach girls to be independent and self reliant. Seems to me that black women have no shortage of people, experts, media telling us were too strong, too independent and drive black men away. But then the narrative in any given situation MUST always put the blame on black women and not black men for Every.Single.Thing.

  23. Same old ish says:

    Admit that the attitudes espoused in this article come as a surprise no one. Somewhere along the way we stopped holding black men accountable for anything because we saw the way a racist society emasculated them. We went easy on them and lowered our expectations of them because they have it so rough so we should have their backs (Yet no one ever talked about having our backs as black women).

    Look around. 1 of 3 black men with a criminal record. 80% of black children born out of wedlock. 20% of black men unemployed. The response is always “because racism.” Yet somehow black women manage to overcome the same racism to get degrees (3x the rate of black men), hold jobs (half the unemployment rate of black men), care for their kids and not see prison time as an inevitability.

    When you tell someone even indirectly that you expect nothing of them, guess what. They will deliver just that.

    Here again we as black women are told that we should accept disrespect, abuse, no support or any of the conduct expected of a mature adult of any other race in relationships with black men. Once again black women are expected to ignore sexism in the name of solidarity with black men. The same black men who seem to delight in telling the world in no uncertain terms they hate us. Don’t believe me? Do a search on YouTube for why I hate black women and black women are ugly, etc. it would take you months to watch all f the videos made by black men that come up in the search results.

    Enough is enough.

  24. Josh says:

    This article is a bunch of bull. Not every black guy does not have a dad. Also not every black guy goes to jail. This article is all a bunch of stereotypes

  25. Nala says:

    Lee are you blaming your mother for your father’s absence? What I’ve found is that men leave because they simply don’t want to manage their responsibilities or they are contempt with overburdening their partner and leaving the responsibility to someone else. Many of the times black women have a “I don’t need a man mentality”, because they’ve dealt with being mommy and daddy for so long. Black men need to step up their game because you are supposed to be the head of the home but you are nowhere to be found. So, don’t blame your mothers for being too dominate because the sorry ass absentee fathers created the monster called the “Angry Black Woman.”

  26. Nala says:

    Also, black women should step outside of the box and date outside their race. This waiting for the black man mentality needs to stop. They are not at all loyal to you and many degrade us at every turn. If you are waiting for a good one….prepare to wait. If you are looking for a warm body, those are in great abundance and unfortunately that’s what most of us have.

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